The Beginning...

It seems weird to call this a beginning, as Jenny and I have felt the weight of it for years now.  But at this time, with more confidence than ever we can say "We're expecting!"

Our journey in finding that out, hasn't been the traditional one, but unites us with lots of others around the world.  We didn't get pregnant naturally in our timing or for that matter at all.  We tested for infertility and found some signals that traditional pregnancy would be hard.  We tried treatment, it was unsuccessful.  We tried medical options to increase chances, they were unsuccessful.  So it feels far from the beginning.

And though the time traces back for years, this also strangely feels like a new start.  A journey that will lead us into parenthood, to unbreakable connection with a child of our own, to a place we feel confident that God has gifted and prepared us for.

A "Fearful.  Wonderful.  Secret." kind of place.

Fearful for the journey.  The cost.  The emotions.  The worry.  The lack of control.  Different fears than come with traditional pregnancy (things like miscarriage) but I can assure you, in the limited experiences we've already had, the Fear is real with our "pregnancy" as well.

Wonderful in its mission.  We'll uniquely be able to care for a child that otherwise might go without that care.  Love a child with as much of a representation of God's love as we can.  A child brought to us not through biology, but by the matching of people...nations...and we believe God himself.

Secret in its timing.  A child we won't see develop before meeting.  We won't have the ultrasound pictures, we'll hear voice before heartbeat.  We'll pay for care that's being delivered by someone else before we can even put a face in our thoughts.  But the "Secret" is also comforting.  Scripture talks about God creating all babies.  "Forming" them in the womb.  But that is just the forming part. In the Psalms (quoted at the top of the page) it speaks of God making people "in the secret place."

And that's where our child is.  In a Fearful, Wonderful, Secret place.

Maybe forming in the womb now.  Perhaps already born.  Or maybe, someone only in existence in God's secret place, still yet to take its path to this world and meet us, the loving and expecting parents.

Feel free to watch our adoption story!
When appropriate, feel free to participate in it!