In the beginning of March we were doing a lot of waiting. Now we are back to hurry up.
Last time I posted, we had a number of forms to complete and submit. Well, the story has not changed, they are just a new set of forms. About a month ago we attended an adoption issues education day with the adoption agency, and from this event we were given a lot more paperwork...something I am unfortunately getting used to.
And so begins our home study process.
The home study is one of the things that I have been most anxious about. It has been good to hear from a lot of different people that it is not something to worry about, that it's more of a conversation than an interview. That put me at ease a little bit more. For now, we have pages of autobiographical questions to answer about ourselves, cultural worksheets and medical questionnaires. I have to admit that this part has been a little more difficult than I was expecting. (I am going to use the excuse that with Easter in there and Nate being a pastor, and both of us volunteering for stuff, we have just been so busy. That's valid, right?)
But, we're making headway.
We're also multi-tasking. While getting all our paperwork done is important, it doesn't make much difference if we are not able to make all the financial milestones along the way as well. We have been very fortunate, beyond blessed (if that's possible), to have friends and family willing to help with some fundraisers towards our adoption fund. I am so grateful for this and cannot express enough how much we appreciate it.
And...
Exciting Realizations
I was reading through some of our past posts and re-read this one. I don't think that this kind of pain will ever go away, it will forever be part of my story. But, just a few weeks after this, I/we came to a couple new realizations.
1. I think that if we were to become pregnant now, we would feel a little disappointed. Don't get me wrong, of course we would be excited. But getting pregnant would mean that we would have to put our adoption process on hold for at least a few years. And now that we're in it, we're so excited to adopt that I would be disappointed to have to stop this process.
2. I have heard people talk about how if they could go back and change a painful experience, they wouldn't. I would always hear this and think, 'oh, you're just saying that because you know you couldn't if you wanted to anyway.' Now I understand. I know that it is only because of that painful experience that we are at this exciting place today. As painful an experience as infertility has been, I know that we would never have seriously considered adoption otherwise. I am (gasp) thankful to not get what I originally wanted.
So, yes, in a way my heart still hurts, in a way. But now my heart longs even more to meet the little boy or girl that will someday come into our family from Colombia.
