When the Roller Coaster Stops

Adoption is often compared to a roller coaster. And as far as analogies go, it’s pretty accurate.  There are times you’re working up to something, other times you fall into whatever is next with no control over where it takes you. There is simultaneously both excitement and fear, peace and anxiety, hope and disappointment. Sometimes there is a lot of waiting and other times things take off before you feel ready. Sometimes unexpected turns provide another surge of excitement and energy to keep moving forward. At other times a turn may leave you feeling unsettled and unsure of what is ahead. Sometimes you are glad when it ends and often the ride comes to a stop far sooner than you wanted.

For us, our most recent adoption journey has definitely given us some unexpected turns. And while we would love to say that those turns provided just joy and excitement, unfortunately  our ride ended sooner than we wanted and we are currently sitting with more disappointment and feeling unsure of what comes next.

We got a call early in May that birth mom was in labor. That was certainly unexpected since she wasn’t due for about two weeks and had not been showing signs that labor would come soon. And while we had a goal of getting “go bags” packed and ready, we didn’t get those done in time. So we quickly packed up Moriah, got her to the grandparents’ house and then packed ourselves before flying out the next morning.

The next couple days were filled with a good amount of excitement, energy and hope. We arrived at the hospital the next afternoon and spent that day and the next with baby boy, birth mom and some of her family. We held baby boy and talked about names. We changed diapers, fed him bottles and gave him kisses. We spent time with birth mom and got to know this beautiful woman more.

We knew that the adoption attorney would not be able to make it to the hospital for a few days so we waited patiently. Baby boy was still in the hospital (expected) so we found activities to occupy some of our free time while we waited.

Then, came the big unexpected turn. We woke up to a message from the attorney not saying when he would arrive but instead that birth mom was rethinking her choice. We were stunned. And while we understand that adoption is a difficult choice for any mother, this one caught us off guard. Feeling somewhat paralyzed by this news we decided we needed to stay in Florida for a few more days until we had more information and began to process what was happening.

We had planned on being there for at least two weeks, but after just eight days we decided we needed to head back home, without our baby boy. Our ride came to an abrupt stop.

This time we went through airports with an empty car seat and stroller. This time we walked with disappointment and sadness as our arms were empty and not holding a baby. Again we cried as we lost a child we believed would be ours but wasn’t.

We would love to be writing this post while holding our son and showing you pictures of his sweet face. But instead we are praying that the decisions made on his behalf are what is truly best for him and birth mom.

A couple years ago, long before we had Moriah, God asked me (Jenny) a pointed question one day while sitting in church. He asked me, “Do you trust me with your family?” I was struggling with infertility and the heartbreak of watching so many people around me get pregnant seemed too  much at times. But I knew in my heart my response. Yes. Yes, Lord, I trust you with my family. Then he said, “Let me show you how I will provide.” I can’t explain what happened after that in any other way than to say there was peace.

At the moment we are unsure of what our story looks like moving forward. But this we know for sure: God is GOOD!  We may not understand why. There may never be an answer for that. He never promised an easy life. But he does promise to bring us through if we lean on him. And so, that is what we will do. It may sound cheesy to some to say that, but for us that is truth. 

On a practical note we want to make something clear. Any birth mom faced with the choice of adoption for her baby is making a very difficult choice. There is absolutely no room for saying anything negative about birth mom. We will not budge on this. We may be hurting, but understand that our desire to be parents will always come at the sacrifice of another parent in a huge way. Please show her the love and respect she deserves.

We so greatly appreciate all the love and support many of you have already shown us. Thank you for allowing us to not talk when we don’t want to, for letting us cry when needed, for feeding us and for distracting us with games and fun. And, thank you for praying for us all as we take one day at a time on this crazy journey of life.

Here We Go Again

The secret’s out… WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN!

Baby BOY due May 18, 2014.

 

That’s the short, sweet, exciting {and a little bit scary} story.  Here’s the longer, or at least more detailed, story.

First, it is important to note that we had NOT been actively looking to adopt again so soon.  At one point we discussed starting up the process again later this year closer to Moriah’s second birthday. But the idea was that we would start with getting our homestudy updated and then begin a process that could take another year plus before being matched.

But that was OUR plan.

Near the end of February I (Jenny) saw a notice from the same person who connected us with Moriah. It basically said this:

Bi-racial baby, due May/June in Florida.

It wasn’t anything out of the norm. Now, being in these adoption circles, I see things like this frequently enough and I would just think, Oh, that’s nice for some great family. They get to adopt a baby, and a baby gets a family.

And then a couple days later:

Still looking for a family for baby.

Hmm, that’s weird, these seem to match quicker than this.  I said a quick prayer for the family that would adopt this baby.  I also emailed some people I knew were looking to adopt and emailed this person asking her to keep me updated.

For some reason this one was sticking with me.  I couldn’t stop thinking about this baby. I just wanted the right family to step forward. Secretly a small part of me wished it was a year later and we could.

A couple weeks later I get an email:

STILL looking for a match!

Obviously, in reading this story and knowing where we stand today, it seems simple. But at the time…and sometimes still…it just seemed so ridiculous.  Moriah is only 15 months old!  We are still working to pay off her adoption. We’re not ready. This is crazy!  Oh, and I’ve never mentioned it to Nate that I was thinking and praying for this baby (Oooops).

But I couldn’t hold it in anymore. For the first time I (Jenny) brought it up to Nate.  He had seen the notes on Facebook but didn’t think too much of it.  Now I told him about the emails and asking, should we?!

Do you ever have those moments where you feel unsure about something but keep walking forward anyway. And then out of the blue it’s like the sky opens, your eyes are clear and you just know you’re in a good place?  Yeah, me neither…until now.

We had the privilege of talking with birthmom by phone. And while that first conversation was short, it was very sweet. There is a genuine connection I cannot fully put into words. And conversations since have only served to further confirm that we were the people she was praying for. We are so grateful not only to have the amazing privilege of adopting another child, but also to have such a positive connection.

That was five weeks ago. And since then we have been working on paperwork to update our homestudy, rearranging furniture to make room for new baby and now the other bedroom has a fresh coat of paint. We also found out It’s a Boy! and that doctor firmed up the due date a bit earlier at May 18th.

Now we have only five weeks left until that date! 

(Wait, excuse me while I scream…Ahhhhhhhhhh! This is crazy!!!!!!!!)

So, while we are enjoying the blue skies, we are praying for back ground checks to clear quickly, for our meetings to go smoothly, and that baby stays in there while we finish up all the legal mumbo jumbo.  The fabulous, wonderful, necessary, hand cramping as we sign too many papers mumbo jumbo that makes it possible for us to adopt this little boy who will forever change our lives.  ;)

 

 

Moriah is also excited to have a younger brother. She doesn't know it yet, and will probably be a bit confused when he comes. You can also pray with us that she takes this transition well and for us as we figure out how to help her with the coming changes.

 

Re-Learning Christmas

It's that time of year when many of us find ourselves in and out, and in and out again, of many stores, searching for parking spots and wondering, when will this be done?! A season of giving. And yet sometimes I need to stop, take a deep breath and remember why it is that we give. That it is better to give than receive. 

A couple years into marriage, Nate and I stopped, took a deep breath and seriously evaluated the way that we treat Christmas.  Are we getting too wrapped up in all the wrapping and bows? Too taken in by finding just the right gifts, those chart topping, great gifts? What we found when we stopped and took an honest look at ourselves is that we were forgetting one very important thing.

 

We were forgetting the most perfect and greatest of gifts that was already given.

The joy that inspired a tradition of remembrance through giving. 

 

We forgot to remember.  And so, we made the decision to change HOW we give. We chose to remember WHY we give. For our family and friends it meant that gifts from us were different (and we hoped that they would appreciate our personal touch).

We don't make gifts the way we did during those years. And this year, if you saw the items wrapped and sitting by our tree, you might not know how I am different now in comparison to seven or eight years ago. But there is a fundamental difference now in how my heart approaches Christmas and all it's twinkle.  Those few years taught me deep in my soul that we celebrate because of this...

For God so loved the world that he GAVE his child.

We celebrate and remember that we have already been given God's greatest gift.

That's all good and sounds great, right?  Yeah, I thought so too. I thought during those years that we chose to do Christmas differently that I learned to really appreciate more deeply and receive more graciously. While all that is true and it did change me (us), what I didn't know was what I had yet to learn. 

And then God turned our world upside down. One year ago we moved through the joy of Christmas with a twinge of pain and grief.  The little girl we hoped to adopt did not end up coming home with us.  Just days before Christmas we left a hospital with an empty car seat sitting behind us as we drove home. While we celebrated the beauty of a mother choosing to provide, for us those days were bittersweet.

But this year we do not mourn. We do not grieve or try to let go of pain. This year we celebrate. This year we grasp the FULL, joyous truth of what it means to have hope fulfilled. To CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS! 

For unto us a child is born. Unto us a child is GIVEN! 

 

This Christmas we experience the gift of a child.

This is not a child that we bore from our own bodies. She came in her own perfect timing, in a way that we did not plan and from a place that we did not expect. 

Someone else's child, given and entrusted to us. 

This year I learn, sometimes it is actually better to receive than give. 

Photos, Families and Fundraisers

I am so excited to announce our next fundraiser event not only because we continue forward in our adoption journey with Moriah, but also because this event is made possible by a dear friend, Suzy, and I am excited to be able to introduce her work to you.

Photo Shoot Adoption Fundraiser

courtesy of

Saturday, September 14, 2013

The event will be held outside in the Mill City/St Anthony Main area and each twenty minute session has a minimum suggested donation of $60. Sessions will be available throughout the daystarting at 9am until 7pm.  While so far we know of many families who have expressed interest in this event, but it is open to anyone who would like to participate and reserve a session.

If you would like to see some of Suzy's work, you can see it here on her Facebook page. (Sorry, the website is currently under construction but will be available soon).

If you have more questions and/or are interested in reserving a session please feel free to comment below or contact Jenny Kemper at 651.295.4050.

4:55:19

Just under 5 hours...that is how long it took for one amazing husband and father to run from Two Harbors to Duluth. That 26.2 miles is also known as Grandma's Marathon. He did it! He finished the marathon...and amazingly could not only walk the next day, but played in a soccer game!

Way to go Nate! Your wife and daughter (and so many others) are so proud of you!!!

Here's a quick recap of how that day went:

Nate got up and went to meet the bus that would bring him to the starting line too early to be called anything but ungodly.  Seriously....it was early. It was only about 45-50 degrees when the race began and the wind was at the runners' backs the entire race so for them, it was great. Not ideal conditions for those of us cheering, but we weren't doing all the hard work, so I can't complain.

My (Jenny's) parents and sister also made the drive up to Duluth that Saturday to help cheer on Nate as he ran. Together we made it to four different mile markers along the race including the finish line.

And you can see that Moriah was a trooper that day. She got taken out of her crib at 4 am to be put in the car for almost 3 hours. When she got to Duluth it was cold and rainy and she was in and out of the carrier and car seat all day. No good naps and feedings as best we could along the way.  Seriously, couldn't ask for a better baby! She's amazing!

Of course, it wasn't all work and no play.  We (Nate and Jenny) went up to Duluth on Thursday evening and checked into our lovely accommodations at the University of Minnesota Duluth dorms! (Can we say, second honeymoon, anyone?!)  We didn't think a dorm room was ideal with six-month-old so we begged and pleaded and finally Grandma and Grandpa Kissel (my parents), graciously agreed to take their granddaughter for a couple days.  Ok, really they had already said that they were thinking of driving up to come cheer on Nate and I offered to let them take Moriah for a couple days to sweeten the deal--Moriah gets to spend Thursday and Friday with her Grandparents, they drive her up to meet us on Saturday and we all cheer on Nate together!

The added bonus: Nate and I had a full day in Duluth just the two of us to do whatever we wanted! (Plus, this was our first overnight away from Moriah.) So, after picking up his race packet we got some lunch, went to a movie, walked around a bit, got out for dinner, and then caught up on some TV shows online while back in our luxurious...dorm room. Ok, the dorm room was just a place to sleep at best, but it was great to get away.

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Kissel for not only taking your granddaughter for a couple days, but also for making the trip up to Duluth. Dad, thank you for driving around and parking in lots of not-so-easy-to-park-in places. Thank you Kristi, for joining us and remembering to take pictures of the day. Thank you Moriah for being the best little trooper.

THANK YOU DONORS for donating in support of Moriah's adoption through Nate's run in Grandma's Marathon!!!!! You didn't have to give, but we accept your generosity with appreciation and humility. In the end, we know that it is God who ultimately provides. But we also believe that he often chooses to provide through people. We are thankful for your support. And while we still have a long journey ahead of us, every gift is a blessing and reminder to keep moving forward.

Thank you all, again!

Moving Forward in 2013

I don’t know how to write this post without backtracking to the beginning of Moriah’s adoption story. 

On January 3^rd, we received the call that made adopting Moriah an option.  We decided that the risk involved (we knew little details at this point) was worth it.  And that decision started a number of phone calls.  Phone calls that if they went positively would end up with us being parents to the beautiful child that spoils us so much…and had they gone negatively, would have had us calling the lawyer the next morning to tell him we wouldn’t be able to work out all the details.

We decided at that point to multi-task, and each of us were making separate phone calls.  In the midst of those few short hours, we needed to find out if we could have all of the legal paperwork in order by noon the next day, and if we could have everything financially in order in two business days.

It was hard to know how to start the financial conversations. We had been prepared for the Minnesota adoption and had that amount covered. But interstate adoptions are much more expensive and the additional amount was more than we were prepared for.  How do you ask for a modest year’s wage over the phone?  How in asking for that do you see if it is possible to have it in your personal checking account by the next day?  We had thought we’d be engaging in an international process that would still have a year or more of time for us to do fundraising, and instead we had hours.  We didn’t have the fundraiser in our back pocket that raised that much money and could be done in an hour.  We just had a phone.

We found at this time of the story, like every other step, that God’s mercy and blessings were in our favor, and like most other steps, that they were seen through the actions of others.  And so, we felt release to move forward in this adoption process.  Release to walk through the next few days, weeks, and months confident in the God who had provided.  And as those days, weeks, and months passed, we celebrated our daughter, we celebrated our blessing, we celebrated a God who had provided. 

And while that celebration continues, that small quiet part of our spirit has become louder.  The discomfort of the phone call, and the implications on the people who picked up the other end of it remain present in our thoughts, our plans, and our prayers.

We didn’t have time in the few short hours to fundraise.  We didn’t have time to put our own efforts into the way in which we’d ask for support in our adoption journey.  But now we do. 

We’ll be clear…we still know we are asking people to support us.  And we know that the primary way this financial support will happen has little to do with our efforts and much to do with the generosity of people we know and care for.  But we have found some ways we can exert our effort while inviting you to support us financially.  We found things we can do, while we ask you to give. 

So here is our hope.  We’ll do stuff.  And if in the process you give, we’ll use that money to repay those who took on more of a burden than they had planned, who gave us the gift of pursuing Moriah on the riskiest adventure we’ll ever take, and who deserve not to have to hold that burden alone.

If by the grace of God, we raise more money than necessary for that end, we can guarantee that all money given will be used for adoption costs.  Whether our own future adoption, or towards someone else’s, none of the money will be used for anything except the financial burdens that come alongside an adoption process.

The first fundraiser is immediately upon us, and this is your fair warning that you’ll hear us talking about these over the next few weeks and months.  For explanations on what to expect, please read below:

Grandma’s Marathon 2013

On June 22^nd Nate will be getting up earlier than he likes, to run longer than he enjoys—26.2 miles to be exact. In 2007 he ran the Twin Cities Marathon and vowed that he would never run a marathon again…unless there was a cause. Well, needless to say, there is a precious cause worth running for, and he has been putting those running shoes on for the last few months in preparation for Grandma’s Marathon.

How can you get involved?  Support his run by giving a financial gift.  For many of you who see us regularly, we would love to see you, talk with you and accept any donations you feel led to give. For anyone who wants to support Nate’s run and you may not see us or want to give online there is a link to give on the right hand side of the blog.

 

Capture the Smiles Day

A very generous friend…and amazing photographer…has offered her services for a day and 100% proceeds will go directly towards Moriah’s adoption costs. You can get some amazing shots at a great deal.  We have not yet confirmed the exact date for this yet, but we are expecting late summer to early fall (so if you’re also thinking ahead to family Christmas cards, we’ll have you covered for photos).

More information about this will be coming when details are available.

 

Nate is Writing a Book!

Many of you have been asking, when will Nate finally be writing a book? Well, the day is upon us…or at least it is quickly approaching. There isn’t a solidified title yet, but the book will be more on a faith/spirituality focus. We will keep you updated on more information about the book and an expected release date as that information is available.

 

 

For now, these are our plans. We still believe that God is providing for our family. We also believe that God often chooses to use people to bless people, and so we are humbly asking for your help and participation.  There is a link on the right hand side of this blog. You may give there electronically or you may give donations directly to us if that is what you prefer.

Please feel free to ask us any questions and we will keep you all updated on these events as we move forward.

With all our gratitude and love

Nate, Jenny & Moriah Kemper

The Latest In Development

The other day, Little Peanut said, 

"Mom, look what I can do!"

And then she proceeded to do this:

Yep, she's pretty proud of herself.

Thankfully we are only going in one direction, but looks like pretty soon we will need to be moving a few things around in the house. This girl looks like she's got her daddy's eyes (mischievous eyes).